Pandemic Solitude and Existential Crises

Pandemic Solitude and Existential Crises

Byrichard

During a recent walk I thought about existential crises and the pandemic. I thought that it’s a shame that we spend so much time speaking about depression rather than looking for a new reason for being, a new existential identity, or goal in life. We treat the search for a new identity, due to the pandemic as if it is a depressive moment but I think this is wrong.


The pandemic has changed whether we can socialise, and how we socialise. It has changed whether we agree to be indoors, or whether we prefer to be outdoors. It also shapes whether we want to be near crowds or away from them.


I was looking through photos on my phone last night. Since 2018-2019 I haven’t done much socially. The last event was the World XR forum in Crans Montana, before going to a Geneva film festival. Since then it has been around five years of solitude. Three of them are due to the pandemic.


Too many people have been brainwashed into thinking “once I fall sick with COVID once I’ll be fine”. Others have been told that this is the new normal, and they just accept it. Yet more people think “oh, but I need to work” or “but my children need to live a normal life.” The result is that for people, like me, who want to work towards COVID zero this has become an improbable aspiration, and that’s where the existential crisis comes in.


When I looked through my photos I saw that people with their own families, spouses, children etc, continued to live normal lives, despite the pandemic. My social life, on the other hand, has been destroyed, hence the existential crisis.


I could easily call it a depressive event. I could easily say that this is depressing, and that I’m in a depression, but the truth is that I am not. I had an existential crisis, and it would have been labelled as a depression by some, but it wasn’t. I always got up in the morning, studied for two or three hours, showered, ate, went for my two to three hour walks and continued to focus on the present. I was never paralysed by depression or stuck with a feeling of futility.


I redefined what I read, listened to or watched, to avoid being reminded of what I am currently incapable of getting, but having said that I grew to be happy with what was possible. Walking, cycling, studying, and recently running.


Today is Valentine’s day and I have no expectations or desire for love. We’re in a pandemic, and I have learned to enjoy solitude, and the more I am exposed to reminders of what life could have been, the more numbed I become.


And Finally


The point of this point is to encourage people to stop thinking about depression all the time, with all of its stigma and more. I think we should embrace the exitential crisis for what it is, especially during a time when so many of us have to reinvent our “raison d’être”. Our reason for being. We have had to redefine who we are, and what we want out of life, to cope with pandemic life. Life is not back to normal yet, and I refuse to accept what it is now, as normal, hence the existential redefinition.

The Sunday Run

The Sunday Run

Byrichard

This morning I decided to go for a run, rather than studying or doing other things. I ran along one of my usual routes thinking that it would be quiet but it wasn’t. Groups of people walking two to three abreast, or more were blocking different roads so I deviated through fields, turned around or rerouted.


Out of pandemic I would have spent weekends doing things with people so I would have been one of those people doing something with others. In pandemic I do things alone. I have been doing things alone for five years now. One year because I had no car, the second because of a broken arm, and for three years because of the pandemic. Three or four years ago I lost the ability to walk by couples or groups of people without feeling deep sadness, so I found routes that made it possible to avoid people. With the pandemic I had an excuse to do that openly.


The pandemic never ended, so I never reverted to normal behaviour, and now my people avoidance is who I am, what I have become.


If I passed by single women, and single people then I wouldn’t deviate so much. I’d be inclined to say hello. It’s because it is a reminder of my solitude, that I find solitary paths and routes. I like to forget about my isolation, and enjoy my solitude.


I like my daily walks and runs, but Sunday is one of the days where I struggle to find routes with very few people. That’s why I usually walk extra big loops, compared to normal week days.


And Finally


The weather is warmer now. Not warm enough to run without a hat and gloves, but warm enough for snow to have melted, and for the frozen pond/lake I walked on to become a place for birds to rest.

How To Be A Realistic Optimist During a LockDown.

Byrichard

During the first lockdown in March I believed in the rationality and logic of others to help bring a pandemic to a close within a reasonable amount of time. Now that we’re in the Post-Christmas and New Year lockdown I feel that the likelihood of a normal summer is low. That’s why I need to write something satirical.


Ignore the Irrationality of Others


By believing that people understand how pandemics work, and by trusting that people will do their best to keep safe, and avoid any and all risks, to bring the pandemic to a close within four weeks we can think of the latest lockdown as a four week holiday.


Find a Solitary Walking Route


If you devote enough time to the endeavour you may be able to find a walking route that either allows you to walk for two hours without crossing anyone, or more realistically a route that allows you to walk at all times with at least two meters of buffer between you and the people walking the same path. When this route is found keep walking it, and find variants. Over the lockdown you will find variants and have a choice. Do you start by going north or south. Do you go west and if you go west do you go by the car river (motorway) or the water river? Do you walk along the agricultural paths or along the roads? Do you walk at night with a head torch or during the day?


Find A Study Goal


LinkedIn Learning, Microsoft Learn, Coursera, Duolingo and Babbel can all provide you with opportunities to either deepen your understanding of work related topics, or expand your knowledge of a change of career. You can study cloud computing or public speaking or Microsoft Excel, or any of a multitude of topics. You can even find a learning path.


By learning and by following these courses you are forcing yourself to think of the future. It might be just one and a half hours into the future, or it could be 30 study hours in the future. The point is that you have a means of breaking from pandemic routine.


Start Playing with a Task Manager.


I don’t mean Windows Task Manager. I mean a tool like Microsoft To Do, Apple Reminders, Google Keep, Google Tasks, Things 3, Sorted or another such app.


Set yourself goals like “Study German” and “Read a book” and “turn the lights on when the sun starts to set” and “Do the weekend shopping” and even “vacuum the home”. It may seem stupid to set tasks that you would do anyway but it influences mood. I found that as I set goals, and got into the habit of completing them every day it encouraged me to set more ambitious goal. Study Pre-intermedia German course 2 lesson 4-5, and so on. It provides you with a goal to reach each day, and a senes of accomplishment when you tick off each goal. At the end of the day you can see “I did 7 tasks and even earned “karma” on Todoist despite it having no real world value.


Keep A Journal


We could easily tell people to write blog posts of their experience with a pandemic but the problem is that blog posts are public, and that by being public they are less interesting. It makes more sense to keep a journal. You can use One Note, Think, Journey, Day One, Evernote or the Notes app on iPhones. The point is to write at least two or three hundred words a day. It can be as ranty, as positive, as absurd, as rational, as happy, or as dystopia as you like. The point is to have a conversation through your fingers, with the screen in front of you, whether it’s a laptop, a mobile phone, or a clay tablet. You could even learn cuneiforms and write that way.


Avoid Series FOMO


During this pandemic one of the keys to happiness is to cut down on television series that remind us of pre-pandemic life. Series where everyone gets into a relationship, everyone falls in love, everyone gets married and more are to be avoided. If you’re living alone and self isolating in solitude the last thing you want is to spend your evenings being reminded of what is impossible during a pandemic. Watch documentaries, or people playing computer games, or reading books. Happiness stems from avoiding the reminders of the life that you would like to work towards if only a pandemic wasn’t consistently in the way.


A Regular Sleep Habit


During a pandemic it’s easy to go to bed later and later and later and later, until finally you’re living in a different timezone than your body. Set an alarm clock to wake you at the same time every day and attempt to go to sleep at a semi-regular time each day. Semi Regular = +/- 2 hours. ;-).


Dump FaceBook and Instagram


Although Facebook and Instagram were excellent places to keep up with friends a decade ago they are now no more sociable than a glossy magazine. Rather than feel good about how great you are at self-isolation and pandemic solitude you will be reminded that other people are still breaking the rules for their own pleasure. Instead of being angry with them just dump FB and IG and do something constructive.


Sometimes solitude and unhappinesss stem from doing rather than not doing something that you’re used to. If you see that FB and IG are making you feel negative dump them.


Develop a Sense of Humour


People from at least two generations grew up watching Alan Alda in the MASH television series demonstrate how to cope with unpleasant situations through dark humour. Some people might look down on this tactic but remember that we’re in a pandemic, and that because we don’t know when it will end we need to find ways to reset our ability to cope, and laughter is one such method. By laughing, or at least changing perspective we may be able to cope better.


And Finally


We are in the 21st century and although we may not be able to do things in the real world we can still get help. when listening to a podcast about psychology I think they mentioned Betterhelp. To the. best of my understanding this is the website they talked about. As I was walking I didn’t note down the name. The point is that this is online help, anywhere in the world. Whether you’re a textrovert or a videovert they should have a solution for you.


Disclaimer. I know nothing about this website except that I like the concept of IMing a counsellor.


If Self-Isolation Was Easy the Pandemic would be over


Remember that the emotional yoyo we’re going through is completely normal and healthy. If self-isolation was easy the pandemic would have ended within two months and we’d have been saying “what was all the fuss about, silly paranoid…” Of course this time we’re in a serious pandemic, so we need to find ways to cope, and even enjoy ourselves, as absurd as this may sound.


“Enjoy myself by myself?”


Yes, like Tomas in the Unbearable Lightness of Being


Like Rieux in La Peste


Like Dantès in the Count of Monte Cristo.

Day 65 of Self-Isolation in Switzerland – Coping with Solitude
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Day 65 of Self-Isolation in Switzerland – Coping with Solitude

Byrichard

Coping with solitude is one of the challenges that we, people who live alone, are going to become familiar with. It’s 65 days since I’ve had skin to skin contact, sixty-five days since I’ve given or received a hug. It’s sixty-five days since I’ve had a meal with anyone.


Happiness, whilst entirely and easily accomplished, is all about adjusting our goals and aspirations to remain positive, and even find happiness. As it’s lunchtime, and it’s Tuesday, I should be going to get food for the upcoming week but I don’t have the positivity to do that at this instant. I’m writing this blog post because I have found, on more than one occasion, that writing helps me organise thoughts into a positive context.


I’m still working on the future.


Today I finished the Linkedin Learning course on Essential CSS and I started the course on CSS Essential Training. I’m still moving forward and I’m working on being able to apply for a different set of jobs. I have already studied for 102 minutes and my weekly goal is just 120 minutes so I’m reaching that goal with speed.


According to the Productive App, I’m on day 69, with 69 “Total perfect days”. I’ve “done” 354 tasks so far with an average of 5.1 a day. With Duolingo, I have a 252-day streak of studying a new language every single day, with no “skip the weekend” or other cheats. I’m still moving forward.


I have returned five results and generated 3549 points for OpenPandemics.


Avoiding Reminders of What We Can’t Achieve.


During this pandemic one of the easiest ways for me to be happy and stable, is to avoid reminders of what I don’t have. By avoiding people who are not walking alone, by avoiding seeing families together, by avoiding romantic comedies, and by avoiding specific television shows, I can feel content with the life that is possible for a single person, living alone, in between jobs, not to fall into a negative feedback loop.


Happiness, is about being happy with what we have, and what is possible.


Driving to the mountains with a group of strangers to go for a hike, to go climbing or to do via ferrata is not possible. Even if we did go to climb on the Via Ferrata that are open we would have to respect the two meter distance, wear a mask, gloves, and then disinfect at the end of the activity.


With those limitations we might as well continue with our pandemic routine.


A person rides a horse along a dirt road near some woods.
A person rides a horse along a dirt road near some woods.


During this pandemic I get comfort from people doing things in solitude, like the horse rider in the image above. I was walking towards the horse and its rider and it seemed spooked so I stopped, and let it walk by. I went into the meadow between fields to give it more space.


Moments like this feel good, because they’re experienced between two individuals. I am not reminded of the solitude that I am currently unable to change. The person might not go back to solitude, but I draw strength from seeing other people dealing with solitude.


Thru Hiking, which is a topic I’ve been reading, and listening to podcasts about, is about spending hours, weeks, or even months in solitude with one’s thoughts.


I love hiking with people, and I look forward to when hiking can resume being a group activity. It is a pleasant way of starting new friendships although this pleasure will have to wait a few more weeks.


Réfuges, in the mountains, are re-opening and these opportunities are slowly coming back. I look forward to when things are back to normal. I look forward to when we can start to do group activities.


I knew I’d feel better, after writing this blog post and I was right. I do.


It might seem strange that I’d rather not meet people who are not alone through this, but it’s a coping mechanism, which is why I’m on day 65 of solitude, and ambitious, rather than the opposite.

Day 45 Of Self-Isolation in Switzerland – The Need For Outdoor Exercise.

Day 45 Of Self-Isolation in Switzerland – The Need For Outdoor Exercise.

Byrichard

This aftrnoon reminded me of the need for outdoor exercise. I was feeling lazy and unmotivated to go outdoors. I thought that the rain would come back during my walk, as it did during my scooter ride, and as it did yesterday. I checked the weather app and I saw that we should have good weather until tomorrow so I took advantage to go for my walk.


This time I was light. I went with my AirPods, my phone, and money just in case. I walked the usual route but this time I think I saw farmers and their child, and plenty of people on bikes. It would be interesting to see how important a role physical exercise played in Switzerland managing to flatten the curve for now. With so much sunshine and exercise you’d expect the Swiss to be primed for coping with such a virus.


@richardazia

##cats ##catnap ##lazy ##afternoon

? Summer Days – Martin Garrix / Macklemore / Patrick Stump