Nervous Energy

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I don’t know whether I’m nervous or anxious about driving from 11-13 hours almost non stop tomorrow. In the past I have driven from Switzerland to Spain, without stopping. In the past we had to stop to refuel but not anymore, not with modern cars. We have to stop for toilet breaks instead.

During long drives I spend my time listening, either to books, or to podcasts. Recently I have spent a lot more time listening to books. I used to love podcasts but they have too many adverts and they’re too long. When you’re catching up on a series of podcasts you don’t want hours and hours of one and a half hour episodes because there is a lot of fill, rather than worthwhile content. I also get information from courses instead.

I drive with hardly any breaks because as I’m travelling alone I don’t want to leave the car unattended, but also because it’s not much fun to see families and couples. travelling together and I’m doing the same journey as I have done plenty of times in solitude. That’s also why I feel differently about the time before a trip.

I get in the car, to drive to the shops, and I feel the urge to go on a road trip, and then when it’s one or two days before the road trip I become melancholic. It might sound stupid but I am attached to my routine, and it feels as if I will feel time away from my routine. Pandemic solitude, and living alone can have a strange effect on us.

I have 17,000 steps today. I got to three thousand steps just preparing things for the trip before lunch and then after lunch I went for my daily walk, and now I still have quite a bit of nervous energy. This shows that although I might feel melancholic I’m excited for the drive.

I love the drive. I love looking at the landscape, seeing the progress on the GPS and listening to books. I also enjoy the time to think. If I wanted to push things I’d say that I enjoy the mindfulness of the drive. It’s several hours of being free to think, or listen to audiobooks.

I like walking, and cycling, and climbing. I like going from A to B. This year I have walked double the distance I am driving tomorrow. The difference is that this drive is linear, rather than circular, and it’s about endurance. It’s about staying focused for 13 hours.

Today I have been unable to sit, which is silly, but rational. Tomorrow I will be sat for hours, unable to get up, except to refuel and go to the toilet, so it makes sense to be fidgety today, calm tomorrow, and recover the day after.

And Finally, tomorrow I drive, and I will be calm. For the homeward leg I will be fine.